One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else’s survival guide.
My therapist asked me today what I think my purpose in life is. What, outside of everything else going on, do I think I’m here to do.
“I’ve always felt I’m here to help others, that I can and need to.”
And I have. Whether that’s been in the gym helping with technique and basic plans from my experience. Whether it’s been asked for or not. If I’ve seen someone in the gym who could use help with technique I’ve approached and offered to help. It’s why I wanted so badly to join the army or police, because of the burning desire to help someone or something else.
It’s why I sat crying in my therapy today because with everything I’ve got going on right now, friends and family have avoided venting or coming to me with issues. And how I feel so detached from everything and everyone. Because they don’t want to dump anymore on my plate. But they aren’t. It makes me feel normal when they do come to me for a listening ear or advice. It makes me feel like I’m fulfilling, in some minor way, my purpose. To help others. Of course I’d rather them not have things that they need to vent about, to not have things troubling them. But it’s all just a part of life. For me it’s part of any fulfilling relationship. whether that’s with friends, family or spouses. To be able to bare all with each other, to be there through the good, the bad, the ugly. That’s what I want in relationships, to be there for it all.
So if you’ve read any of my previous posts you’ll know things aren’t too rosey for me right now. If you haven’t read them don’t worry about going back. I mean you can if you want to, it’s not forbidden. Just don’t feel like you’ll be missing out if you don’t because I’ll be discussing it in new posts.
I’ve kept an anonymous blog for a few years and have very rarely posted until recently. I cleared all of my old posts, which were mostly related to a previous job of mine. In the last few months I’ve put a few posts up, but mostly I write in the notes on my phone. It’s where this post started.
The notes on my phone is my safe place. My sanctuary. To write whatever and whenever I need to. I write with no destination and no idea what’s going to end up written on the screen. I find it so cathartic so it has its purpose.
But my therapist asked whether I’d consider changing it from an anonymous blog, for all to see. Because while writing has its purpose for me it could also help fulfill my purpose of helping others while I’m not physically able to help them. I’ve had a hell of a journey, as anyone has. But from that I’ve gathered a lot of experience and knowledge. Experience and knowledge that if shared could help others, or that’s the hope at least.
So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to disclose my identity and take you through my journey. My fingers tend to go into overdrive once they start typing so apologies in advance for all future tangents and dissertations.