Do you ever wonder if something that affects you, affects others in the same way? Well, I am.
So I bought a new duvet – which in itself isn’t something I like to do. I have to have a ‘silent’ duvet, not one of those duvets that rustle. It can’t be feather, because they don’t smell right and the feathers move. My duvets need to be uniformly stuffed, so as there is no bunching – just an even distribution of the weight. Also feather ones always rustle. I’ve also never used anything above a 4.5 tog, loaded with a blanket or two when required in the winter. Said blanket or two hasn’t been cutting the mustard so I had to cave and buy a 10.5 tog, non-rustling, evenly distributed duvet.
Anyway, then comes the second hurdle. When I was a kid my parents bought my sister and I 101 Dalmatian duvet covers. It ended up that they both became ‘mine’ because I couldn’t sleep with a different cover. And I did mean couldn’t and not wouldn’t in that sentence. It ended up that I used these covers well into my teens because of this. In case you hasn’t noticed change in my routine or just change in general isn’t my strong point. It’s like a comfort blanket. But I’ve carried this issue into adulthood. Perhaps once every 2-3 years I buy myself a new duvet cover set. It’s not an easily made purchase, it has to feel right and look right for me to even consider the purchase. Once I buy one and commit to using it that is my only duvet cover. In my mind at least. The previous set gets moved into my bedding/towel storage ottoman, which in truth is actually their final resting place.
I ensure I have my bedding washed and dried within a day and usually find myself making my bed right before I get into it. Because I won’t indulge buying two of the same set. That would be a waste of money because I know I’d only use one of them. I’m the same with sheets. Previous victory purchases get sent to their grave in the ottoman and I simply wash and use one sheet. Despite having around 4 others in the ottoman.
The specially selected duvet arrived yesterday afternoon and I really wanted to use it. Unfortunately I didn’t want to sully it by putting on my duvet cover without washing it first, so I opened the ottoman. I pulled out my previous duvet cover, exhumed it if you will. It didn’t feel right but I really didn’t want to wake up cold, or worse, severely overheated after falling asleep with my heated blanket on again. So I gave in and put my new duvet with my old cover on the bed, ready for a nice warm sleep. I think I woke, that I remember, at least 5 times. I just didn’t feel right or smell right. I felt like I wasn’t in my bed, I wasn’t comfortable and had this really uncomfortable sickly knot in my stomach. I used to have it if I tried to have sleep overs – they’d always end in phone calls to my parents late at night to collect their crying daughter because she couldn’t sleep because it wasn’t her bed. So she didn’t feel safe and comfortable. It was this all over again, minus the tears.
And I wonder if I am the only one that deals with this? It does get worse too. My sheet has to be TIGHT. No wrinkles, no loose material, no folds. I have a sheet strap, which is essentially 8 stops of elastic with clips that pull the sheet right underneath the mattress. I can also feel if theirs is the smallest spec of something too and I have to get up and brush down my entire bed until I’m certain it’s clear. Also loose pillow cases are a sin. All that loose material around my face trying to suffocate me – not on my watch!
I know this isn’t my usual stuff, but I said I’d share what I write and what I write is often a surprise to be. But it’s also a way for me to dig deeper into my mind. I often find more comes out by writing and then I can take that to therapy. I don’t know if this belongs in therapy, but apparently it’s on my mind after a broken nights sleep.