I’m 28.5 books into the new year. That 89% of a book a day. It’s hard to quantify how much of my time is rendered unusable due to my condition, but that kind of does. That’s how much of my time I’ve been unable to do anything other than be stuck in my dark bedroom with my kindle and dog for company.
A week today I go and see my neurosurgeon to once again request the implant. Except this time it will be less of a request. I’ve been delaying preparing myself for this appointment but I need to face up to it. I will go in there ready to fight for a very expensive surgery that I don’t just want but that I need. And one I deserve and earned the right to have. I’ve been through all the options they didn’t believe would work, at the detriment to my mental and physical health. They all in fact increased my pain.
I want him to fully understand and see the impact this condition has. Because it’s not just pain. It’s the loss of time, time which has become my most valuable commodity. It’s the loss of experiencing life to its full during what should be the most fun years of my life. I will not let another year go lost. What better way to highlight how much of my time is lost than being able to quantify is exactly how of my time has been lost in 2023 so far.
I have so much time on my hands and so little of it is useable. That’s not fair and is no way how someone who hasn’t hit 30 yet should be living. Or thinking. I said previously when I do fix this I’ll write a book and it’s because when I’m better I’ll be able to tell my story without judgement. I’ll be able to laugh and joke and see the good that has come out of this pain. While I’m in this pain, you only need to read these blog posts to see that it’s extremely hard to write without the judgement, fear and anger. So next week I’m going to fight for the chance to change all of this. A chance to look back at this time for the lesson it was and the growth that came out of it.