I wonder, often, what I ever did to deserve the people I have around me. The ones who cheer me on, give me the lessons I need, and the tough love!
Last night a lovely friend called me to give me a lesson of sorts. The short is that I should be so afraid of what may come that I forget to live.
And that got me thinking – what life do I want? I’ve said before I’d be ok if this is my best, but what would I do with it? I love writing, but I don’t have an inspiring mind. I write what I feel, I write what’s real to me and sometimes words of encouragement for others when they need them. I hoped, should I get more mobility, that I’d become a dog trainer. The reality is that I’ve never had the mind to understand how to monetise the things I’m good at.
I don’t know what I want my ‘career’ to be. I use the change in term deliberately, because what I do is very different to what I want my life to look like. The answer to that I already know.
I want my life to continue being full of love. I want to laugh often, I want to see more of the world and I want to experience the little moments that become the big memories with those I love and who love me. I want to continue helping people. In truth, I hope that I can continue volunteering as I do with UKCVFamily for as long as I am able, I couldn’t imagine ever not doing that. It’s the first ‘job’ I ever felt such dedication and drive for, a job that isn’t a job, it’s not work; it’s a privilege. It’s an honour to help those who saved me, and it’s a cause I feel extremely passionate about. I meant what I said, I always want to be a part of the solution and I will always have deep love for the members and volunteers.
I’ve digressed…
I want to make memories I’m proud of, but mostly I just want to know that at its core, my life is a happy one.
I’ve only lived a short life so far. 31 years isn’t a lot and I have a hell of a way to go. And the point my friend made was right, I am FAR too young to be so worried about what may become of my health that I forget to enjoy the life I already have. I’m sure there will be some deep thinking on the horizon while I try and work out what I can and want to do, and a thought for all the things I want to try.
I said in my previous blog that I see others doing things I fear I will never get to do, but perhaps I can and it just looks a little different. Perhaps there are amazing opportunities and bucket list adventures available to me, I just need to stop thinking I can only do them if I’m able bodied again. So what if I fail, I’ll bet I’d still enjoy trying.