I started sharing my journals because I’m no longer afraid to share my experiences or my struggles. In truth I find it easier to talk to no one in particular than talking to someone face to face. I worry all the time about sounding miserable or a burden. It’s something I discussed with my therapist.
In one of my earlier blogs I discussed the traditional of saying ‘hey how you doing?’ And not in Joeys voice. The worry about whether the person means it, or are they expecting a ‘good thanks, you?’ Are they truly prepared to hear the ‘not so great’. It’s something that worries me greatly in these situations. But my therapist said there’s a huge difference between offloading or ranting and being honest while taking responsibility. For instance rather than saying something like ‘my life is terrible, I’m in so much constant pain and I’ve got no meaningful existence and just everything sucks right now’, what my response should be is ‘I’ll be honest, I am struggling with my situation and the pain that I am in. But I’m doing the work in therapy and I’m fighting for a treatment that will help me get my life back on track.’ See, I took responsibility of my situation.
Anyway I’ve side tracked a little too far. What I wanted to discuss is that through sharing my journals on my blog, through talking to no one in particular, I am having a lot of meaningful conversations. I have people reaching out to me and I’m seeing friends and we’re having these really open, vulnerable and honest conversations. I’m discussing with people things that have or are helping me and vice versa. I’m having people ask about therapy, how am I finding it, does it help, where do I find a therapist. I’m able to have the uncomfortable conversations with people around me that are part of my healing process, part of helping find who I truly am.
This is what I wanted from my blog and I didn’t really know it. I’m not educated in the field of mental health (right now) but I’m able to talk to people from a place of experience. Some people feel that, while they aren’t ready to publicly discuss their struggles, I am a safe place to come to. And let me tell you, it means the world.
The point of my blog was to help others. I needed to find meaning and purpose in my current suffering in order to feel a lot less hopeless, helpless and suicidal. And with each message I feel I’m achieving that, I am helping others. I received one such message last week where I was told reading my blog helped the person feel a little less alone. I mean what more could I ask for?!
So I guess I wanted to thank everyone – Everyone that spends time reading my blog, sharing it or discussing. Because you’re helping me find my purpose. You’re helping others find a little peace or a safe place to talk. I know it’s just a little blog that doesn’t get a huge amount of traffic – but even that small amount of traffic is helping others and helping me.