Today is International Day of Persons with Disabilities. Its aim is to promote understanding of disability issues, such as dignity, rights and well-being, and the possibilities that can come from their inclusion in all aspects of life.
For 3 years now I’ve been able to say I’m disabled, but I don’t think I truly accepted this until recently. I couldn’t accept it wasn’t going to just go away and I couldn’t resume life as it was, I couldn’t accept that life didn’t exist anymore.
Now I can confidently say I am disabled, and I will do everything I can to be able to integrate that into the parts of life I can still enjoy on occasion. Though I will admit I still feel embarrassed using mobility aids in public, but I can cope with that over being suck in the house all the time!
When you compete in sport, or anything, you have such a drive/hunger that’s hard to explain sometimes. But I feel I’m starting to get that drive back, it’s just a little different. I’m not chasing a bigger deadlift or that British Squat Record or another medal. I’m chasing a chance to do a little more each day, knowing that a little could maybe lead to a lot. For now, that little is caring for Bella and maybe a small bowl of washing up or putting a load of washing on (And remembering to put it on the airer!). And that’s ok, my targets changed is all.
Today, for me, is also about accepting that this can happen to anyone for any reason. I didn’t know that training session on June 16th 2021 would be my last, I didn’t know I’d not be able to work or go on long hikes. I didn’t know that the implant surgery would prevent me from ever lifting heavy again or that there is something else causing my disability, it’s not just a result of being inactive. But I now know those things and I accept them, though some days are admittedly harder than others.
I’m slowly learning that, despite my health and disabilities, I am still loved and have value. My greatest fear is this happening to someone else and them feeling as lost and helpless as I did for as long as I did. So I will continue to come here and share the good and the ugly that comes my way for anyone who chooses to read it. I know it has helped people, and not just me, which makes it worth being vulnerable.
