Today I found it in my heart to finally try and make progress on my last paint by numbers of Bella. This was custom ordered from a photo I took during a winter sunset on Bella’s first ever beach trip, over 11 years ago.
I started doing these about 8 months after the V when I needed creativity and exercises for my hands when I lost fine motor skills. This was by far the hardest one I ordered, with so many tiny sections and 48 different colours. My tremors became too bad to continue and I haven’t touched it for at least a year. Then I found I couldn’t face it after losing Bella, even though my tremors have reduced.
Today I found I really struggled to hold the paint brush without pain and a weak grip, which made control very hard. The same way I can hold my cutlery but I struggle to cut tough or crispy food. Instead of admitting defeat I grabbed a bigger brush with a wider grip to hold and focused on the large black area across the bottom. Then I sat back and cried, with both grief and pride.
V injury is messy and I can sometimes forget to cheer for myself over the little wins. Today I’m proud of myself and that I found a way around my limitations to spend a bit of time with Bella again.
