I often write about the things I’m struggling with, largely because this is when I need to write the most. It’s cathartic; if I can get my thoughts out of my head and onto the notes in my phone then they appear, and feel, far less insurmountable. It’s also because, in general, each day is a struggle in one way or another. That’s the trouble with chronic illnesses and dynamic disability – if it’s not one thing it’s another, and something I could do yesterday my body won’t allow today.
However, I’m coming to write about good things. It’s no shock to say I’ve been struggling a lot lately, but the support I’ve received has been phenomenal and overwhelming. One such example of this support was from a friend and bloody lovely lady, Caroline, who listened to my whining without judgement and, as she does, she knew the exact combination that would help me in a specific area: sleep.
My sleep has been tragically awful, non-restorative and continuously disrupted by my own body. But, a conversation, a little reading and some new tools has seen me sleep through night for most nights since Monday. For reference, I haven’t had a full night sleep in months, so it’s likely not entirely surprising that I’ve been battling with my mind and my emotions so much.
As a consequence to the success of Caroline’s advice, I’ve managed to go out into town for a little shopping not once, but TWICE this week. I’m sure for most people reaching a shop is normal, you don’t need to think about it too much or plan it. But this is the first time since I had my adverse reaction that I have been able to do my Christmas shopping in person, rather than the very anticlimactic, yet convenient, online shopping. Imagine the last time you physically went Christmas shopping being 2020, and even then it was limited due to lock downs.
Today’s shopping trip was particularly successful on the whole, though some experiences were disappointing. We started with our local TK Maxx, however they have crammed so much into their shop for Christmas that I kept finding myself having to reverse out of aisles because I couldn’t reach the end due to a stack of trolleys, or just someone ignorant person not acknowledging my polite request for me to squeeze past them. Some of the aisles were so tight that I’d catch something on a shelf and knock it off – though thankfully nothing breakable was damaged.
I remembered the advice of my old training coach – never end on a bad set. So while I left TK Maxx feeling like I was an inconvenience and like I was just in everyone’s way by trying to do my own Christmas shopping, I decided I wasn’t going to end the day feeling that way.
We got back into the car and, while initially I wanted to throw in the towel and go home in my foul mood, I decided I wasn’t done. I’d seen something I really wanted to buy for someone but they didn’t have the right size, and I knew from previous experience that the TK Maxx in Chippenham’s was much bigger and better laid out. So off we went!
What a great decision this turned out to be, not only was I able to go down any aisle without fear of getting stuck, hitting people, knocking things off the shelf or worse – getting a wheel stuck on a shelf and dragging it with me, but also everyone was so damn polite and helpful.
“Sorry, would it be ok if I just quickly squeezed through?”
“Of course! I’m so sorry”
Of course their apologies weren’t necessary and more often than not neither were mine – I’m working on it! But I was made to feel welcome not just by TK Maxx and their well thought out interior, but also by the other customers.
And what a success it was, I managed to get the gift I wanted in the right size, along with some shoes, hats and a purse for me. The double bonus was Next was next door and I also managed to get myself some trousers that’ll be a bit warmer than my linen trousers. We then had a Costa and popped into M&S food next door to treat ourselves to a Cumberland pie for dinner.
I successfully turned the day around simply because I remembered: never end on a bad set.
The only unsuccessful part was that I’ve still not managed to find inspiration for something to get my mum to thank her for all she does for me. But otherwise my Christmas shopping is done and I’ve not had to order one thing online.
Many people will try and convince you that getting a mobility aid is a bad thing, that it’s restrictive, that it’s giving up, or that it’s lazy (if they’re a complete prick!). What a mobility aid actually does is give someone the ability to walk further than they can without out it, to walk with less pain or more stability. For me, using my stick or my wheelchair is freedom. It’s empowering and makes the world more accessible to me (if I go to the right TK Maxx).
Today I learned that being disabled doesn’t make me an inconvenience and that, on good days, I now have the independence to be able to do something as simple as picking up a few Christmas presents and trying on clothes in person to make sure they fit. I also learned that not everywhere will make sure their store is truly accessible, but that’s ok because there will be another store, with nicer people, that does!