dog – Page 6 – Letters From My Bed

The demands of a dog with dementia.

I am so weak right now, that’s the best way to describe how I feel. Sleep is non-restorative and reactions are wearing the rest of my body down rapidly. Now I understand what it is, and the dietitian sent me a great resource on MCAS that helped with this, I now understand what’s happening to my body and why I feel like I do right now.

It’s made so much make sense, I now know that, while foods are a big trigger, so are many other things – including stress.

I have one more meal to eat to complete my food diary with the dietitian so I can make an appointment to move forward. One more reaction to log and recover from. Then I’ll be eating nothing but chicken salads until my appointment so I can hopefully feel a lot less crappy.

A big source of stress for me, and it really is horrible to admit this, is Bella.

She’s getting worse. The increase in meds helped a little, but then they didn’t. She’s back to barking constantly, I can’t have people over, god forbid we try and have a conversation either. I get it, she can see we’re talking but she can’t hear it. I have to communicate with her by clicking my fingers and she only recognises a few commands now which I have to say sharp and loud while also giving hand signals. Not the signals you’re thinking but a finger up for sit, a flat palm for wait etc.

She’s anxious, scared and angry. Her behaviour is changing, some days she really is up in my face with her barking and stomping. She doesn’t mean it, it really is out of her control. I can’t get mad at her, I can’t punish her – she’s not doing anything wrong or not that she knows to be wrong anymore. She’s just losing her marbles and her manners, a natural progression of dementia.

But I don’t know what to do, and truth be told I’m really not ready to make *that* decision. I don’t think she is either, I don’t feel like she’s telling me she’s ready. Or maybe she is and all I’m hearing is the angry barking and demands of more food.

I’ve booked in with the vet for Friday, I don’t know what the outcome will be. Last time it was decided I’d basically tried it all, the only other medication would mean coming off the meds that slow the progression of her dementia. Putting her on calming meds only for this disease to rapidly get worse and take more from her doesn’t sit right with me. We’ll see what the vet suggests and hope that we aren’t *there*.

Bella’s birthday is on Wednesday, my baked bean turns 12, and that would be the worst birthday outcome ever.

Is this edible?

So it’s been a minute since I’ve posted properly, I’ve just not had the energy to put together an update. Instead I wrote a guest post for the UKCVFamily blog for the start of Vaccine Injury Awareness Month.

https://www.ukcvfamily.org/post/what-does-awareness-mean-to-you

There’s the link so you can read. Of course I wrote my little not-poem-poem which I did share here and internally with the members of the support group.

Right, enough procrastinating, here comes the update.

As I’ve discussed, I was having a real issue with food reactions. I still am, should I dare to eat anything that’s remotely exciting, comforting or delicious. Of course the chicken salads I’ve been having are delicious, but I love warming, hug on a plate, foods like roasts and stews and pasta. I especially love anything with a thick gravy.

I had a whole host of tests done at the docs which have ruled out standard food allergies and IgE reactions. So I was sent to a dietitian, who I met last week. A lovely lady, who went through everything in detail – even down to medication reactions, what happened 3 years ago that started this off etc. She was honest and offered no judgement, just compassion. As you know, I had to go away and eat ‘normally’ to have more data in foods and reactions, while she spoke to a colleague about what’s been happening.

The colleague has agreed, given all the reaction symptoms, random triggers and other non-food related reactions that I am likely dealing with MCAS (mast cell activation syndrome). MCAS is essentially where your mast cells react disproportionately to normal things and release histamine throughout different areas of the body – creating the reactions. Triggers can be food, certain activities, air pressure, weather, mould, scents etc. (That’s a very dumbed down summary of the condition!)

She gave me her colleagues details and prices, along with another well respected expert in this field, but also offered to do what she could to help me. I’ve chosen to work with her, for her honesty and compassion, along with her willingness to go above and beyond what she needed to do. It also means she gets to broaden her knowledge on MCAS, which also means there’s a dietitian in the NHS that can comfortably help others like me, because too many injured can only get help privately which is a disgrace.

So I’ve got to do a little more ‘normal’ eating over the weekend, then I can arrange my next appointment with her. And we’ve both given each other some resources on MCAS to read too. The kicker is the first step in figuring this all out is for me to be put on a low histamine diet, an elimination diet. This sort of diet is restricting, and will not be easy, but it gives us a chance to identify my triggers so know what isn’t ‘safe’ for me to eat. Though MCAS is complex as a food you might be fine with today, you can react to tomorrow. A minefield I know!

I’ll also be booking in with the doc I saw again and requesting a H1 antihistamine and discuss using sodium cromoglicate, which is a mast cell stabiliser and is also used for food allergies to reduce reactions. I’m already on a H2 antihistamine, famotidine, so these are the other two things I can consider, along with some supplements. But I’ll work with the dietitian and only add things one at a time to be able to identify any reactions and to know exactly what’s working or not.

This could explain a fair amount, including reacting to medication I’d been on for 6 years following the vaccine. I just didn’t connect the dots, it wasn’t my focus. I was booking in to see a doc about psoriasis type issues on my scalp, but changing my shampoo has eliminated it almost completely in 2 washes. So I was likely reacting to something in the shampoo/conditioner I was using. Lots of things I just hadn’t thought about or considered might be part of a bigger issue.

So that’s where I’m at. It’s been a bit of a blow, but it could also means seeing some real improvements which I have everything crossed for. For now though I’m going to spend the weekend eating more ‘normal’ foods to collect the last of the food diary to be able to start with the dietitian. It feels a little like planning a last supper – I’m trying to decide on my favourite meals that I’ll likely not be able to eat again for a long time, if ever, should I react to them.

This girl is on fire.

On Tuesday I had a doctor’s appointment – the same doctor as my last appointment following all my blood tests. She’s agreed for now to let me work with the dietitian to bring my cholesterol down, she’s agreed the signs of liver stress are likely medication related, she’s absolutely did not advise me to take magnesium threonate to help with my insomnia, and she’s referred me for the CT mylography that I was supposed to have previously, but as we know I was sent for the wrong one. She ordered this scan, no questions asked, despite the previous doc refusing and advising I ‘get on with it’ – meaning my crumbling health. All in I’d say this was a huge fucking success. All that in one appointment! Plus more but it was little things. What a dream of an appointment!

Wednesday I had my first session with the functional medicine coach. It was largely a lot of talking, more of a discovery session. He’s certain that I can get my body behaving better to allow me to live far beyond what I can do now. I was honest in my hesitation to trust that, so we’ll see. It’ll be a long road either way. But this weeks challenge is grounding – to stand barefoot in the rain, once. My favourite soul cleansing activity. And I have the adult equivalent of a star chart!!

Today I met with the dietitian the doctor (as above) referred me to over the reactions to food and medication. I’m to eat as much ‘normal’ food as possible and log it so she can have more data and information on reactions I’m having. So less of the safe chicken salads I’m having – which I’ve finally started to enjoy rather than endure. So mild bummer, but it sounds like I’ve just been prescribed roast dinners and lots of yummy stuff. Which sounds amazing, but does make me anxious of the reactions, but I do understand she needs more data to try and figure them out. She’s also going to talk to a colleague who is a long covid dietitian in the private sector. Many vaccine injured have similar conditions to those with long covid, and that’s includes the likes of Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) which she is querying, especially if she can’t find an obvious intolerance in the food diary. So whilst no help yet, she’s got an open mind and is willing to go the extra mile to ensure she helps me as best as she can, even if that comes down to admitting her colleague is better placed to help me.

I’m fucking exhausted. Every day there has been an appointment, with yesterday being the dentist. So this has meant washing and dressing daily, driving daily, constantly interrupted rest and a very unsettled Bella who has made the rest even less restful.

Those little moans aside, it’s been a week of success for me. The help isn’t immediate, but I suddenly seem to have found a doctor and a dietitian who are willing to do what’s necessary to help me get answers and some stability with my health. Along with the functional medicine coach, David, who hopes to help me in a more holistic way. Maybe come Christmas I’ll be shovelling turkey and gravy in me by the ladle without worrying how my body will react. A girl can dream, and this lady is missing her gravy. Especially as we’re heading into stew season!

It’s not just my story that matters.

I’d like to show you all something a little different today. A little while ago, and I neglected to tell you all this, I met with a photographic journalist, David Cross. He is an incredibly calm, compassionate and empathetic man who made telling my story very easy. David is the founder of the Centre for British Documentary Photography and his work, and the work of other photographers is meaningful and inspiring.

David attended the preliminary hearing of Module 4 of the Covid-19 Inquiry in May and this module is focused on vaccines and therapeutics, of which UKCVFamily are core participants, meaning the members, like me, are also represented.

At this hearing David met several Trustees and members of UKCVFamily and from there he chose to work with us to tell our stories. David visited myself and several other members to listen to our stories and take some powerful photographs. He asked the right questions and he’d discuss lighter topics between the heavy ones so they weren’t all consuming. He truly listened to understand. Quite frankly, he’s wonderful and I’m grateful to have met him.

Mr Postman has just been by and delivered my copy of the Humanity magazine fresh from the press. I have read it cover to cover and let myself get absorbed by the words, the stories told and the photographs alongside them. Not just David’s work but the work of other photographers and their subjects.

I am going to share a copy of ‘my’ page here. I don’t fear my story, I know my story holds power and it matters. That’s why I do this, why I share with you all my darkest moments and highest highs. But I would strongly encourage anyone to order a copy of Humanity (rb.gy/9sl6m) and read the stories of others like me, and unlike me. Regardless, they are all my ‘family’ now, and their stories hold just as much power and matter just as much and probably more than my own. But they are not mine to share, so please do hit the link above and read them for yourself.

It was an honour to have someone want to share our stories and all credit goes to David who truly worked with each of us and our individual needs both in preparation for and during our interviews.

Updates and results.

So I’ll start off with the great news, my pillow arrived and I slept wonderfully last night. I woke up with significantly reduced neck pain – so thank you to everyone who’s donated to help me.

The fundraiser has been a rollercoaster, especially emotionally. I just didn’t think it would take off like it had, and I was honestly just excited to raise enough to see the private doctor. To have raised £1275 is just phenomenal, and I’ve cried a heck of a lot. I’m putting it to one side so I have it there should I need any tests or treatments following the appointment, or if Bella needs anything urgent too.

I saw a doctor on Tuesday to discuss my recent change in health. I’m in for more bloods today to check for coeliac disease and IgE levels. She’s also referring me to a dietitian as chicken salad isn’t sustainable, though it’s hardly my fault my body rejects everything else. We did a simple yaki soba last night, hoping that fresh veg etc would be ok. Wrong!

Naturally during this appointment I explained that I just ‘can’t cope living like this and being afraid to eat’. So I was hit with the ‘we do need to consider these reactions being a physical manifestation of your mental health, you could be having panic attacks.’ So I’ve tasked the doctor with finding at least one person in Britain who has panic attacks at the idea of roast dinners and Chinese takeaways. I don’t hold out a lot of hope for her, but I’ll remain open minded. I did kindly point out that the symptoms started before my mental health dipped, not the other way around.

My private bloods came back last night and while they’re mostly ok, there are some concerns. Most of the lipid results, regarding cholesterol, are high and do need addressing. This obviously isn’t good news for my heart health. Of course the doctor that reviewed these doesn’t know my situation, so he’s recommended a healthy lifestyle and diet, including strength training. Which we all know I’d have never willingly given up. My testosterone is also low which is significant for women and impacts mood, energy etc. Again I’ve been prescribed strength training. And my liver is showing signs of stress.

I’ve sent these results to my doctors surgery to review alongside last weeks bloods and the ones being done today. I will of course keep you posted on this.

I’m booked to see Dr Claire Taylor on December 30th, but I will be checking daily for a cancellation that could get me in sooner. I still believe she is the best chance I have at getting real answers and real help. The doctor on Tuesday willingly admitted that western medicine and the NHS have quite a narrow and close minded viewpoint and they can only do what they’re allowed to do. It was refreshing to hear!

So there we are, you’re all up to date and this information is now no longer taking up storage space in my brain. I ensured I had a completely clear week, last week I did too much and I knew I needed to try and take things slower. So on Monday Tash dropped by and we took both dogs to walk around the block. Quite often I struggle with this, and Monday was no different. But I decided to do the last stretch along with edge of the fields so Bella could have a bit of a run. If you could have seen just how happy she was to be out with her mum you’d have cried with me. With her big smile, she didn’t run, she bounded and frolicked. It will unfortunately be her last off lead run outside of enclosed fields, but she had a wonderful time and so did I.

You’re amazing.

When I put up my fundraiser, I’ll be honest and say I didn’t expect to raise more than £100 or so. Not because I doubted peoples generosity, but because I’ve always had difficulty seeing just how much people care about me and the cost of living is real. But I decided I had to try, because desperate people do desperate things.

Within 30 minutes you wonderful people crossed the £100 mark and I was balling my eyes out. What I really didn’t expect was that within 4 hours of it going live I would hit the baseline I’d set for my essential needs. £500 in 4 hours!! And I cried throughout all 4 of them. So you can imagine just how emotional it’s been as this total has DOUBLED!

I don’t even know how to begin to thank every donor, every person who shared the link, everyone that sent kind messages of support, offered to walk Bella or had stuff they no longer needed on my list.

For once I genuinely don’t know how to use words to convey just how grateful I am to each and every one of you. But thank you. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU.

Thanks to all of you in just two weeks I’ll be able to withdraw the funds and get myself booked with Dr Claire Taylor at her next available cancellation, purchase the pillow my poor neck desperately needs and see if the Visible wearable really can help me listen to my body a bit better. I’m already arranging with a friend to acquire a perching stool she no longer needs. The extra raised will be put aside to cover further tests/appointments and help me with Bella’s mounting bills.

None of this would be possible if I hadn’t asked for help, and I’m just flabbergasted by how much help I did get. Both before and after, from friends and family. Especially to Sandra, James and Hannah for helping me with the writing and my new website.

So thank you again, and I’ll probably keep saying it x

Why and what I’m fundraising for.

I’m both shocked and ashamed to be here writing this, to actually be asking for help. I’m even more ashamed to be asking for financial help, but I am desperate. I’m asking for £500 to be able to pay for a private consult along with certain items that can help me manage my chronic conditions.

How did I get here?

In June 2021 I became extremely unwell, in fact normal life stopped for me then. Since 2015 I’ve had a rare condition, Hemicrania Continua, that was fully managed, but when I had the Pfizer vaccine in June 2021 it rapidly became far, far worse and intractable. This condition causes constant pain on one side of the head and my minimum pain level is 8/10, often higher. Since the adverse reaction, I’ve had 8 treatments and 2 neurosurgeries, the last being a nerve stimulator implanted in my head in October 2023. This drastic treatment was my final hope. But it has been unsuccessful in reducing the pain.

On top of all this I had various other symptoms but they took a little while before they became debilitating, unlike my HC. Within 6 months I went from a facade engineer/ draughtswoman and internationally competitive powerlifter to disabled. I now have to use a walking stick if walking further than 100-150m.

Daily I face severe neuropathic pain, tremors, issues with my HR when standing (tachycardia), reactions to foods I’ve always loved (currently react to most meals – including passing out) and some medications I’ve previously tolerated, the most extreme fatigue, unsteady walk, pins and needles, numbness and unresponsive legs, lightheadedness, dizziness, confusion and cognitive decline, coordination issues including fine motor skills (I’ve literally had to reteach myself how to write), breathlessness, tinnitus, gastro issues and a few more embarrassing ones.

I paid privately for most appointments in the first 9 months because the waiting list to see my neurologist was too long. As you’ve probably guessed I can’t work, and that money has dried up. Meaning 3 years on I am no further in figuring out what’s wrong with me or how to manage it. I’ve just done my PIP (Personal Independence Payment) review and had to face just how much worse I am now compared to when I applied mid-2022. I get maybe 3 hours a week (non-consecutive) that I can function. My mum is my carer now.

I need to find out what’s wrong. My greatest fear is not just that I will stay like this forever, but that I will get even worse. I was just 27 when this happened, I’m now 31. When I look at my life before, I am now living the most unbearable existence. My main ongoing investment has been in therapy, without which I probably would have ended my life. I have a very generous therapist who I wouldn’t have otherwise been able to afford. Alongside that, nearly all my spare money goes into caring for my aging dog, Bella, and keeping her comfortable. Bella has been my companion and lifeline through so much, and she herself has gone through a lot. She has had £20k worth of surgery since April 2022 due to detached lenses in her eyes, along with Canine Cognitive Dysfunction (Dementia). She now has a lot of medication and eye drops to slow the progress of her conditions and her bills alone total £300+ each month. She will always be my priority over myself. But I now realise I can’t care for her if I don’t seek help for myself.

Right now, I need financial help for a few things that I think will assist me, both in my daily life and in finding out what’s wrong and what can be done about it. Initially I’d like to invest in the following options:

Initial consultation via zoom with Dr Claire Taylor £300 – She is a private doctor who specialises in the conditions suffered by many with long covid and post vac syndrome, several I am suspected of having. She also specialises in Neuroscience, so she is well placed to understand the complexities of not just my body-wide symptoms, but also my Hemicrania Continua. She is booked for the next 6 months and I can join her waitlist, but I intend to check daily for cancellations to get seen as soon as possible and get a treatment plan in place. www.drclairetaylor.com
Visible wearable £50 – to monitor my health, let me know when I need to rest to prevent crashes and tell me if I can actually do anything that day. My crashes are severe, my health dipped in June, and often I don’t bounce back to where I was pre-crash, creating a new, lower, ‘normal’. It’s used a lot by those with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS) and PEM (Post-exertional malaise), which I’ve been diagnosed with. Visible helps prevent the crashes and helps you come out of them faster.
Perching stool £55.99– This could help me do a bit more food preparation and cooking, Currently Mum has to do the bulk of this as I cannot stand for long without pain and an increase in symptoms, along with my body generally being weak. On the days my tremors allow me to use sharp knives, a perching stool could aid me in making the most of that.
Dunlopillo Super Comfort Pillow – £94. This is an odd one, but I spend a significant time in bed and that means extensive wear on my mattress and pillow. Right now, my mattress is ok, but my pillow has become worn and unsupportive. This is a pillow I’ve used since I was a teenager, due to having joint issues anyway. But the trauma to my neck and inactivity over the last few years means I need the right support while I’m stuck in bed and my current pillow just causes pain because I could only afford a cheap imitation.
A bit of extra cash to be able to pay for a dog walker. I’m so aware just how unfair this change in circumstances has been on Bella. She can only walk for 20 minutes at a time due to age and arthritis, but she deserves to be able to do this at least once a week. Unfortunately, that’s not something I’m capable of. The idea of a mobility scooter scares me and feels defeatist, I don’t think I’m there yet (mentally or physically), but Bella shouldn’t have to go without because of that.

Any extra donated will go to help me help Bella, and/or for tests and treatments advised in the consultation.

These may seem like small, affordable investments, but right now for me they are not, and my health is deteriorating rapidly. There are so many things I can’t afford like fixing my car, hiring a dog walker, new clothes that fit (I have to rely on vinted), physio or rehab (that the NHS won’t give me) or installing a shower so I could wash more often. Heck, if Bella needs a check-up with the vets soon, I have no way to cover it – and that’s what little I have left over each month is put aside to afford – the essentials like her 6 monthly checks for both her eyes and her dementia, my cars MOT and the excess for her insurance for both these conditions (£160 per condition). However, these things seem like the right investment to give me some direction with my health and improve both my day-to-day and Bella’s, even jusst a little.

I don’t ask for help; it doesn’t come naturally to me. But the fear of being like this forever, stuck in my bed, in the dark, for 80% of my day, is far greater than any shame or guilt I feel for asking. I have too many unfulfilled dreams to stay like this, but I’ve come to realise I just can’t fix this one alone. These are the ‘best years’ of my life apparently, and I’m too young to not fight to experience them.

I may consider continuing this fundraiser, depending on the outcome of my consultation with Dr Claire Taylor and what I can/cannot get help with via my GP following this. But for now, these are my goals and even just £1 could help me on my journey to getting some answers. Equally, just sharing my story would be greatly appreciated.

https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/chloe-price-525

Letters From My Bed.

It’s happened. My website is now at home on its new domain (lettersfrommybed.co.uk) and with proper hosting.

I hope this reaches everyone that reads, in looking back I realised just haow spread out across the world you all are. I’m truly humbled to have even one reader, so thank you.

Of course my next step is to get my fundraiser live and that’s my task for tomorrow, once I’ve had my first round of bloods taken. And perhaps I’ll even be able to figure out how to add a donation button to my site. But if I can’t figure it out, I’ll post the link on a post.

I know things have been pretty dark of late, my health has truly been in control. It still is. But I realised just how much more proactive I’ve been with the fear within me. I’ve had more regular therapy, I’ve reached out to many for help – especially James, Lorraine and Sandra, from UKCVFamily, who have been guiding me with my health, my website and my fundraiser. I’ve researched and set out exactly what I need to fundraise for – namely the right people who I believe can help me get a handle on what’s wrong and how to manage it. Of course there is no guarantee, but there is hope. Right now hope is enough.

My next post will be an introduction to who I am. I know many of the people who visit my blog are old timers, but I’m aware of the new reach I’ve had as a result of the charity and their support. So I’ll try to do a brief intro, and then normal posting will resume along with updates on my fundraising efforts.

Chronic illness, especially with my current state, is a truly isolating situation. You feel entirely alone, made worse by being stuck in bed for days and weeks at a time. But days like today, where I feel quite terrible, but I have mental clarity and feel lighter, they give you the breathing space you need to realise that this day and its outcomes wouldn’t have happened on my own. It’s through accepting help that’s offered, and even at times asking for it. I suck at the last one, but the generosity of those within my circle and the charity have brought me here. I now know my next steps, I just need to fundraiser to reach them.

After more than 3 years of feeling lost, I cannot begin to tell you just how wonderful it feels to say I know my next step and have hope in it.

So from little old me, from atop my bed, thank you x

We’re going through changes.

I’ve made a decision – based on the fact it’s a lot easier to add a donation button to my website if I have a proper hosted website.

You’ll probably be reading this and notice the name has changed. My blog is now called Letters From My Bed, which is entirely accurate. The reason being that HC&Me only tells half my story. I do have Hemicrania Continua, but I also have a boat load of other ailments, that I often write about, along with bits of advice and lessons I’ve learned. So HC&Me was starting to feel a bit restrictive and inaccurate.

The name change applies to both my blog and my linked Facebook page as of today.

I have also signed up to a hosting service, registered a domain and scheduled my blog to be migrated. So as of next Wednesday (28th)afternoon the link to my blog will be www.lettersfrommybed.co.uk.

For now my blog should visually be the same, but I might make some changes at a later date to make it more user friendly and perhaps have a little more of an introduction on an ‘About me’ page. But as I say, for now it should be the same.

The change in name and set up feels right and the timing feels right. I hope you’ll all continue to read my woes and snippets of advice…from my bed, but I’m grateful to have had any readers and supporters in the first place. So thank you, you really have helped me on this journey and it’s readers that have encouraged me to seek the help I need, this is just the first step in that process.

Love Chlo x

Help…I think.

I never know how to start my journals. Do I just go straight in, do I do a gentle intro? I think I do both.

That was my gentle intro.

I had therapy this morning and it turns out I really, REALLY, needed it. So much has happened recently, not just my health struggles, that I’ve found it hard to process…because of my health struggles.

When you’re so unwell there just isn’t the space, brain capacity or even emotional strength to process other things. And that’s something that impacts me a lot, it makes me angry, pent up and frustrated and sad. But I don’t have the storage for those emotions either.

I’ve written before about how much my health has dipped recently, but the last few weeks have been brutal. I am so done. I’m so fed up of feeling like this, I’m so fed up of being stuck in bed and feeling so much pain.

I’m reacting more to food, most meals in fact and I now dread and fear eating. I don’t know what’s safe to eat and what I’m going to react to, or what level of reaction I’m going to have.

I’m in agony constantly, whether it’s my Hemicrania/occipital neuralgia, or burning pains wherever my skin is in contact with my bed, extreme stomach pains from whatever I’ve eaten or inflammation.

My biggest fear overall is getting worse or staying like this. This isn’t a pity party but I feel so useless in every sense and honestly it’s draining. Not being able to see my friends and family or be there for them, have experiences with them and make memories, not being able to do anything but basic care for Bella, not being able to do anything for myself. It’s torture and I know I have to try something.

I’m seriously considering a health fundraiser to help me access consultants and treatments that could potentially help me fight this. The reality is that Bella’s monthly costs keep increasing, and are only ever going to keep going up, and this leaves me with nothing to invest in myself now. You all know I’m being met with brick walls at the doctors and the reality is that I don’t know what I need to ask them for, and I don’t think they know what to offer me. I need direction.

I also fear what putting a fundraiser out there, with my story, would do. The looks, the comments, the trolls, it being unsuccessful. I don’t know, but my mind is busy creating a story.

A friend did suggest adding a ‘buy me a coffee’ to my blog as a way to kickstart this. I don’t get a lot of readers if I’m honest, but I am going to look into adding this to my blog. If you choose to donate or share I really would be so grateful.

But for now, I really need to rest – which is something else I’m struggling with because I’m so sick of it. But needs must. Then I’ll look at what I can do to try and fight for a more meaningful existence. As always, if you’ve come this far thank you and if you have any ideas or advice it would be gratefully received.